I've been painting for 14 years , for as long as I have been sober , that's how I remember it . I started off numb and not knowing a thing and willing to forget the past but not shut the door on it .
With each new painting I forget how to paint. It sounds trite but it really happens, meaning,, If you came to me to learn I wouldn't be able to tell you how, maybe that is why It takes me so long to complete a painting.
Im self taught so there wasn't a formula that I follow . It comes from my mind through my fingers and onto the canvas, sometimes with a lot of reworking . .
I also get comfortable in the, "know what I know and not wanting to grow" state of mind . I think thats called resting on my laurels. I was comfortable submitting to shows for exhibits and publications with minimal results. The virtual applause and pats on the back from social media followers is wonderful for a small part of the psyche .There is also painting for pay, commissions and freelance work, the security of income after being insecure and the balancing act, of food, family and a life long need to paint. I had to wake up from the Naive idea that I could be " seen by one person at a show or through a publication who could catapult me" ,a misconception that I believed until recently. You don't know what you don't know
UNTIL NOW, and honestly I feel like I'm drinking from a fire hydrant.
I just scratched the surface by investigating an online influencers, immensely informative tutorial and I have to remind myself that this uncomfortable feeling , is Growth . This voice in my mind is familiar , the one that says your not good enough to be here your work is terrible is just an old pathway in my brain that needs to be re channeled and used to challenge myself . MY fools courage has never failed me , and I am really good about turning my shortcomings into shields. Ok im pretty ignorant about that and it isnt until after the fact that I realize the Universe had a part in that .
So here I go , a new beginning well see how it goes . plus I really suck about wrapping up things that I am writing . :)
For more information about the source of all this immensely informative tutorial just watch a few of the video clips on instagram @praxiscenterforlearning