Your welcome . Haa haaa , yes I want to blame my relationship with the public for taking 4 months to finish a painting .
Who the hell else but an alcoholic paints something because he cares what the people who follow him think. People pleaser co dependent ( that's the negative voice i battle btw ) If that were the case, that i cared what the world thought wouldn't I just drop off the face of the earth as a artist . Because in that same breath, filled with self centered fear and self doubt, who wants a painting from an artist who takes 4, no wait 5 months to paint. how reliable is that artist ? ( my negative voice again)
That being said, my little pity party put on pause . I gotta stand up for that little boy inside the one who , just wants to be seen for something he thinks he does well . The one who made that little gift for someone, only to find it in the garbage. ( an polished apple , a sticker covered yatzy shaker? a yarn and Popsicle string art ? .... ) . That kid. He lives inside of me , he can be seen in nearly every painting , I should say he can be felt in every painting. That's why I'm / he is so upset. "We only created one work !" he thrashes throughout the studio tipping paints and slashing canvas . Stop , shhhh. " You are loved. you are doing the most important and valuable thing you can be doing . The next right thing that is best for your family for your baby girl for your soul. " ( that's the healthy voice ).
so an attitude of gratitude.
in this 4/5 months , whats happened ?
1. Baby girl went from two naps to one nap , that 2 hours less to work and paint. That's 2 hours more to see my baby girl grow to fast for my liking and have her smile light my heart .
2. I had commissions for work that was not my norm and took me away from my studio. That is money that I did not have that could contribute to my household and wrest that feeling that I don't contribute.
3. I have been renovating an apartment and also redesigning a yard, making Boston ready for rental. So we can move closer to some family, closer to new opportunities in NYC, art work " New Beginnings" are good.
4. We purchased a new home in NY. Did a quick reno for renting . We found amazing tenants who will love the house for the next year while they look for a home . This will be our forever home . With better schools for " the little bird".
So what people think is whining , is just me cutting myself up , what people may think of as bragging is me , then building myself up.
I feel for all full time parents who want it all who want to do it all, and cant .