I Just finished the last painting " New Beginnings II" , If I'm repeating myself forgive me . One of my spiritual beliefs is that we are " Spiritual beings living a human existence " . That death and birth are very similar and that the when the fetus is born it is an end to a life in a sense , I mean figure everything that it has gone through from the sperm fertilizing the egg and growing from two cells to three to a kazilian, to a fetus and to a baby. Forgive my lack of technical babble but you get the Idea . So , in the spirit , we are on some instances, able to chose our life , we see it pretty much laid out and we pick it , Im not sure why , but in my case I was told I lived many many lives as a spiritual being a monk a nun a priest . Always cloistered . This explains a lot about my lack of social contact and ability. Fear of social situations and a general dis ease ( catch the pun) with the world . I like to isolate and that is perfect for a addict . As a spirit , I figured I had the spiritual thing down so I needed to grow so I picked this life . Yes a life of a addict is great fodder for growth or just plain old numbing pain and anxiety but Hey I choose it for something . So the series of paintings " New Beginnings " is a play on that . The spirit choosing the life it wants next . But I kinda feel that this is already played out .
I know , i see a lot of artists produce something of the same theme through out there art , almost the same art . I like there work! But I feel like for me, I can only do it once or twice, thats why any series I do almost always falls short and consists of only maybe 4 . Maybe thats why also my work feels disjointed ? Much like my way of talking and thinking I can almost never follow a straight line and in writing this maybe that is a problem . But the best advice I was ever given is be true to yourself and never try to guess what the public wants or what will sell . And I have followed with that .
Any who, I sat for about 45 minutes meditating on the newest painting , Im always brought back to the frame as a containment for the painting and using that in a trick the eye kinda way to create the illusion of depth and three dimensionality ( i know its not a work so sew me ) . Its just another way I try to draw the viewer in , to make them feel part of it . Im not sure if i succeed but in my feverish mind I think I do.
So the concept I came up with was a man half clothed ( to appeal to my gay male base ) emerging from the dark of a room , opening a door ( yet another way to "invite the viewer in ) . so the door is half opened his body semi cloaked in darkness and pressing his hand and face against the glass of the storm door or glass of the paintings frame. looking to see who knocked . below and out of his immediate site is a little person , or maybe a mouse or chick holding a match or a candle or light , in some way asking to be let in from the cold or be helped but the light reveals in the reflection a mass of mice or little people ,( out of focus and seen in the foreground as silhouettes of ( mouse ears or hats and bundles maybe ). Just writing it it seems good for the times with the people fleeing there countries and while that was not my intent it rings true and feels write and I must have been influenced by the current news . But I do ask with every painting to enlighten, to help , and maybe this is it . ok gotta feed Audrey :)